I have always been a very self-conscious person. I don’t know why this is, but it really does hold me back sometimes in certain situations. I’m also a complete introvert, which means that socialising and things takes a lot out of me, and I can find it exhausting, whereas extroverts gain energy from these experiences. It also means that I would pick a night in with a film over a night on the town, for example. I’m usually happy to be an introvert, because it means that I can be by myself and not get bored, and I think it makes me a good listener, but sometimes it can be annoying.
Anyway, there are many things that I have always never wanted to do alone, for example, eating out alone, or sightseeing alone etc. There’s many reasons for this, but the main one is of course the massive social pressure: what will other people think of someone sitting alone in a restaurant? Obviously, if you went out for dinner alone on Valentine’s Day, for example, you probably would get strange looks, but in general I don’t think it’s as bad as people assume! I can say this from experience, because today, I had lunch by myself, which was a big thing for me! I did some work whilst I waited for my food so I wasn’t just staring at nothing, and I also sat next to the window so I could people watch. And guess what? No one cared that I was alone! In fact, there were other people sitting alone as well. So I think that if you’re scared, you should try just going to a cafe for lunch, and I’d recommend taking something to do, or read, and you’ll realise that people are so bothered about how other people view them, they aren’t actually judging you! There are benefits to eating alone as well: you don’t have to have a conversation, and you can take as long or as short a time as you want.
After my solitary lunch, I then decided to walk to the Palace Square by myself. It was a lovely sunny day today, but the tourists haven’t really started arriving properly yet, so the Square wasn’t as busy as I have seen it in summer. It was nice to be able to decide where I wanted to go on a whim, even if I did get hassled by some man trying to sell me tickets to Petergof (I told him no, so he took this as an invitation to start speaking to me and ask why ‘a pretty girl is walking alone’, and where exactly I was going etc – he didn’t seem to understand that I was just wondering around, even though I did use the Russian word for ‘strolling’! Honestly). In the end, I decided to pay a visit to the Hermitage, because I get free entry with my student card! I’ve been to the Hermitage three times before, but it was nice to wander around by myself, because I could do exactly what I wanted. I should explain that the Hermitage is so big that they’ve estimated that it would take someone about 11 years to see every single piece of art in there, which is how I managed to see things I hadn’t seen before there today! I even found a painting that actually made me cry, and that has never happened before. (It’s called Isle of the Dead, by Arnold Böcklin. I think it’s the emptiness and stillness that I found so sad, and scary – I’ve never felt like that about a painting before! Also, I just found out that it was Hitler’s favourite painting…)
I also managed to get to Russia by myself, which is a massive thing for me, particularly as I had to transfer at Düsseldorf which caused me a lot of anxiety in the days leading up to it, but was actually fine on the day! I had a slight problem with my ticket, because it wasn’t validated or something, but the people at the desk were very helpful and nice, and the main thing is that I didn’t miss the plane!
So overall, after worrying about doing things alone, it turns out it’s actually okay! No one cared, and I actually enjoyed it, and didn’t feel lonely at all. So although I really like spending time with my new-found friends here in St Petersburg, I now know that I can rely on myself as well, and I think that’s an important lesson learned!
Sorry to be slightly philosophical, and a bit personal!
No comments:
Post a Comment