People never get tired of asking me the many variations of “why are you so quiet?”, such as “I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard you speak!”, “why don’t you ever talk?”, or my all time least favourite: “she speaks! It’s a miracle!” after I’ve just made a point.
Do they not understand that this is just plain rude? Firstly, if I don’t know you that well, then I will only speak if I have something to say that will genuinely add to the conversation. This may be because of self-esteem issues, shyness, or the fact that I hate attention and therefore usually actively avoid it.
Secondly, how would they like it if I asked them “why are you so loud?”, or “why don’t you ever stop talking?” Nobody would ever ask these questions, so why ask the opposite?
Apparently only 25-40% of the population are introverts, so I can understand that people don’t understand – I know I don’t really understand extroverts! However, the difference is that I don’t judge people, or make them feel bad, for their choices. But they seem to think it’s okay to judge me for not wanting to do certain things. At uni, I am happy to go clubbing with my close friends (just not that often), but in a foreign country, with people I’ve only met three weeks ago, it’s just not going to happen. I just don’t enjoy it, and I wish people could accept that and let me be, without me feeling guilty all the time for having to make excuses.
Another thing that annoys me is when people see me sitting alone, they assume I must be lonely, and attempt to ‘cheer me up’. I don’t need cheering up, I just need to recharge for a bit! Large gatherings wear me out. For example, yesterday after school I went out with my new boss and colleagues for the day, followed by drinks in the evening. I knew I was going out this evening, so I’ve decided not to do anything during the day just so I can recharge!
I have been described, amongst other things, as ‘aloof’ by a close family member. I have a large family, mainly made up of people with strong personality types, so it’s difficult for me to fit in and be heard, because I don’t speak loudly enough. I just want to say that I am in no way ‘aloof’, I just think more than I say things!
I’m not broken, it’s just that society is now focused around extroverts and there doesn’t seem to be much room for introverts. Employees nowadays look for ‘people skills’, and expect people to contribute during brainstorms etc, so I have literally no idea how I will survive in that world in the coming years!
However, in some ways it’s good to be an introverted traveller. I can go places without needing to find someone to come with me, and I am happy to stay in alone with a film, or catch up on some TV. Yeah, maybe people will tell me that I’ve ‘missed out’, and should have partied more, but really, it’s MY year abroad, so I can spend it how I choose!
I’m not going to apologise, as I normally would, for ranting, because I’ve been wanting to say this for years.
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